Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

My New Year Resolutions


The good old cliché new year, new me hit me strong this year. 2019 wasn't a great year for me, I had a lot of resolutions that I didn't achieve, a lot of shit and a lot of feeling sorry for myself happened. When December came around I can say that I was DONE! Done with feeling sorry for myself, not trying hard enough and with expecting things to fall from the sky into my lap. 
I can honestly say that my mindset changed, I started to implement all the resolutions I wanted to make happen in 2020. I wanted the new year to be a fresh start but I didn't want to start to scratch. 
Today I am sharing with you my new year resolutions and what I've already done in order to implement them. 


Stop bitting my nails: I think this has been the first resolution on my list for the past 8 years, I never managed to achieve it. To be honest I never did anything to achieve it. I can proudly say that I haven't bitten my nails for 2 months now. Back at the end of November, I got my first gel manicure, since then I haven't bitten my nails. 
The fact that I am paying on a monthly bases to get my nails done, I have my hands looking beautiful at all times has boosted my self-confidence more than any hair cut, makeup or clothes I've ever bought. I hope that for the duration of the year I can keep this going, but so far it has proved itself to be easier than what I thought. It's truly amazing what we can achieve once we change our mindset and allow ourselves to make things happen. 

Workout 3 times a week: I stopped working out in May in 2020 I am yet to hit the gym (hopefully after I write this post I will be able to do so). I want to go back into working out because I miss the way it made me feel, and I am not even talking about the physical aspect of it. A gym is a place in which you are allowed to get rid of your frustrations and worries and turn them into sweat. This is going to be one of the hardest resolutions to keep up with but I will get there, sooner or later!


Go to the cinema 24 times: I love the cinema, it was my first love when I was still a child. Going to the cinema twice a month it's reasonable for me and something I've already done in 2019. I want to keep this routine up in 2020. 

Read 12 books: In a world dominated by technology, screens and being connected all the time, the need to find activities that allow us to disconnect. I plan on getting back into reading this year. One book per month is my goal, but I honestly think I am committed enough to read a lot more than that. I am currently reading Angels & Demons by Dan Brown.

Learn how to make 5 salad dressings: I want to eat a lot healthier this year, for that, I decided that if I learn how to make 5 salad dressings I will be able to eat salads more often and without the sugar bombs that are store-bought dressings. This is a simple one that will make the biggest difference in the long run.


Learn how to work Pinterest: Everyone and their mothers have told me that Pinterest is where it's at when it comes to generating blogging traffic. I want to take my blog more seriously and investing my money in a Pinterest course seams the logical next step in my business as a blogger.

Travel / Visit 10 new places: To travel more is another recurring thing in my resolutions page. I am a world creature, I feel at home anywhere and nowhere at all. I want to travel more in 2020, regardless of how far, or where I want to be able to visit new places in and outside of Portugal. For that reason, I booked a trip to Huelva, Spain for new years eve. I wanted to start the new decade in a new place, somewhere I hadn't visit before. It was an amazing way to start fresh in a fresh place. I honestly hope I can keep up with all the travelling I plan on doing on top of everything else, and hopefully develop more of a travel component to the blog. 

Graduate University: The big thing to achieve this year. I will graduate from my uni degree in 2020. It's crazy to think that all that I've done for the past 16 years of school will come to an end this year. I am so proud of myself, terrified and excited at the same time because after May I will officially be a grown-up, with grown-up responsibilities. However, I am sure things will go my way because I am 100% willing to make them go my way. 


Photography: Sofia Filipe
Location: Terreiro do Paço, Lisbon  
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Our Generation Lost the Ability of Being in the Moment

 

Ironic, I am writing this blog post, sharing it online, when it's the online presence that I am aiming against here. I've been reflecting over the fact that we (as a generation) lost the ability to be present in the moment. We physically are there, but mentally we are lost in our own little worlds.
Think about it, when we pick a restaurant to go out and eat, we decided based on how instagramable it is, when we book a vacation we decide the destination having in mind the pictures we are going to take (or why do you think places like Bali became so trendy in the second half of this decade?!). We do things so that we can show other people that we are doing them, making life a mechanical show of. From the clothes to the decoration, passing by the cafés and places we visit, everything has likes, views and numbers at the top of the priorities list. We want a scoop into other people lives and they want to present us with the absolutely most dreamy and amazing version of themselves, regardless of how fake that might be.


The problem is, we get so caught up into pretending to be the best version of ourselves that we forget to actually be it.
We neglect other people because we have to post a picture when the stats tell us that the picture will do best. We spend so much time taking pictures of our food that it often goes cold, taking pictures of nature that we only look at it through a screen, ignoring the beauty our own eyes can capture. We, as a generation, lost the ability to simply look, to enjoy to reflect upon what we are watching. If something is pretty we snap a picture of it, this way we can always remember a moment we didn't truly experience. 

I spend too much time on my phone, actually is where this blog post is being written (not something I usually do but the idea was so stuck in my head I couldn't help it). I spend more time looking at my phone than cooking, working out, reading, sometimes even sleeping. When you put things into that perspective is terrifying. A device has my full attention at most times. A device, either I wanted it to or not, controls my life. I'm writing this post because I truly believe this is a problem many people my age feel, our generation is the first to deal with this type of pressure because we are the first generation to grow up with the internet, technology, easy access to everything and social media platforms.


This post is being seen by me as a turning point, we are at the end of a decade, 2020 is soon upon us, and for that reason I wanted, more than ever to reflect where I want my life to go, how I want to enjoy the world and live my life. I want to make a conscious effort to enjoy the world more, to travel more, to visit new places, to get to know new cultures and to see the world, instead of sharing it. 
Don't miss understand me, please. I love to share my life, that is what I do here on the blog and on my social media platforms, but I want to stop living life with the purpose of sharing it, I want to start doing it with the purpose of living it, and if for some reason I think that it's worth sharing I consequently will, but that will stop being the goal.


At the same time, I have set limits to the time I spend on the Youtube app on my phone and on Instagram, is that I will only, from now on, allow myself the time the app allows if I want some sort of extra entertainment I will pick up a book, a movie, a tv show and try to focus on that. This is very important to me because I've been feeling like my attention span is getting extremely short, and it's scary, I often find myself talking to someone, watching a TV show and scrolling at the same time, not paying full attention to either of the tasks, bombarding my brain with information and yet failing to concentrate on anything.  This process of change I am meaning to put to action right away will (hopefully) help me concentrate more, spend more time doing things I enjoy and be surrounded by the people I love so that consequently, I am able to create more honest content and share stuff that actually brought me happiness while creating instead of living in the bubble of self-comparison and trying to look better than others. 
At the end of the day, I am hoping that by spending less time on my phone and looking at screens I am able to share better content on my online platforms and live a happier life.


Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Photography: Catarina Rosa 

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My Bad Experience With a Dermatologist

 

I was 16 years old, I watched YouTube as if it was the only source of entertainment available and it was a time when all the YouTubers I watched went to a dermatologist and having acne was quite an awful thing. Keep in mind that I was SIXTEEN! An age when it is normal to have acne, an age where my acne was a couple of pimples, some oily skin and nothing more. However I didn't want to be left out of the trend, and everyone seemed to go to a dermatologist so I went to one. I went in hopes to learn which was my skin type, to learn what steps should I include in my routine, what products I should buy. I wanted to improve my knowledge on my skin, to pick things that were appropriate for my age and skin type and to feel like I knew more than most people in order to legitimate the advice I gave on my blog. And so I went.

I must state now that I honestly think that I had really back luck with my dermatologist, it was a lady at the local hospital and I think it was the only available doctor that had an agreement with my insurance company.


Firstly I remember that to the only time I went (or maybe I had two appointments with her, I'm not sure), she got in at least 45 minutes late, which for a 16 year-old  going alone to the doctor for the first time is nerve-racking enough without having to wait for a long time.
Anyways, when I finally got in she asked me why was I there and after a short chat (that I don't recall) she gave me the magical recipe for my acne. Firstly she recommended me a cleansing gel and a moisturizer, that to this day I feel like were nothing special and did nothing for my skin.
A tinted moisturizer that had no coverage and that didn't help cover up the blemishes, something the doctor told me I had to do whenever they showed up. The tinted moisturizer was too liquid to offer any coverage, and too dark for my skin so I went to school looking like and Ompaa Lompa.
Besides all this, and the part that, looking back on this experience scares me the most, is that she prescribed me 3 boxes of pills to dry off my skin. To be fair I didn't ask what they were or what they did and I took them every day as I was told.
They made my skin look flakey and too dry, in addition to that, the mattifying products didn't help at all. I looked like a dried Opmaa Lompa, I took a whole box of pills (for around 2 months) and I felt absolutely awful.


My dreams of having dreamy skin like the girls I saw on Youtube were turned into nightmares, my self-confidence was more shaken up than ever and all I wanted was a place to hide. Thank god I decided to stop taking the pills, kept using the products but started to research a lot more when it came to products, skin type, formulas and ingredients.

Today, at 21, I am as far as you can be from being an expert. However, I know that having oil is not a bad thing, I don't like a look too matte (maybe due to the trauma), I know how important it is to keep a routine, to use sunscreen (something that wasn't even mentioned by the doctor), and much more.

I'm not saying that Doctor Google is the best option, I'm just sharing my experience, with a specific situation. I never went to a dermatologist again, because I never really had problems that forced me to go there. Lately, an allergy showed up on my skin and I've been considering seeing one in order to find a solution to this issue.


So what I learned for this experience and the message I hope to spread with this post is that you should be informed and ask questions. Don't do anything without realizing what you are doing, don't do it because you wanna be someone else. Do things for yourself and your own well being, the most important thing, at the end of the day, is that you are making informed choices and taking advantage of your biggest power, knowledge.
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The Art of Self-Love


Self-love, such a though art to practice to a generation that is constantly bombarded with images of what they should and shouldn't be. Of what is right and what is wrong, we learn that we should love our bodies, our mind and everything about us for simply being who we are. At the same time, we are bombarded with pictures that show us that we are not enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, our life isn't exciting enough. We get stuck in loops of self-doubt, self-comparison and, regardless of what we do, we are never good enough to the crazy high standards we have. Self-love becomes something we preach but the opposite of what we practice. 
If you had told me one year ago that I would be uploading topless pictures to my blog I would call you crazy. I would say that I would never do that, that I wasn't that type of person. Deeply I lacked the self-confidence to do so. To ask someone to take the pictures, to post them. What will other people think? It was a bold move I wasn't bold enough to take. 

As I grow older (and hopefully wiser), I realize that the problem with self-love is that it truly isn't self-love. It's not on us, it's on what other people say, think or do. People talk and regardless of how good looking, successful or amazing we are it will always affect us, because we are all human. 
The moment we are aware of this fact is the moment self-love becomes easier to practice. 
Self-love, at least for me, has risen from simple acts of being kind to myself. To look at myself in the mirror and realizing what I like and what I don't, to do my best to change what I don't. To take responsibility for my actions and my feelings, being the best version of myself is a task that depends only on me. Basically, self-love starts when you are aware of what you have, change what you can, and accept what you can change. 



Something else I've noticed is how little do we know ourselves. We are afraid of being lonely, so we don't spend any time alone, consequently, all that we are, we are because of the influence of other people. 
Most of us are afraid of doing things alone, things like going for a walk, going to the beach or to the cinema, because we have no one to talk to and consequently we have to deal with ourselves, our emotions and our feelings, no more hiding it to the outside because everything, suddenly, becomes both the outside and the inside. It's a hard decision to make, to spend more time by yourself, but it's also very rewarding. I only realized everything I wrote about in this post while spending time by myself, reflecting on my thoughts and my actions. 

We shouldn't be afraid of other people opinions or dressing a certain way, painting your hair a certain colour. Life has no rules and if changing any of those things about yourself will help you feel better with the person that you are, and that you are becoming, do it. If you are happy with who you are and how you feel, if you practice self-love, what others have to say will not matter, it won't make a difference, because you will know that you are working to be the best version of yourself that you possibly can. 


Location: Ilha da Armona, Algarve, Portugal 
Photography: Sofia Filipe



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Life Update: From the Algarve with Love


Another school year is over. Another Summer is beginning and I am home for the Summer months. I'm home, I'm free. I took a much-needed break and here I am. I'm back and full force. 
The last six months made me realize, more than ever, that what I truly love to do is to share my vision of the world. Not only in words, but in pictures and in video form. For the rest of the year, all I want is to create better content. I am not worried about schedules or posting a lot, all I want right now is to try and let you see the world with all the beauty that I am able to see in it.

Taking a break allowed me to go to the beach, tan in the sun, take a dip in the ocean and go to the cinema a lot! Taking time off is something I've realized is essential, it allows us to see things from a different perspective. It changes our point of view on everything. I would one hundred per cent recommend you to do the same. We need to realize that feeling stressed all the time and like we are a bomb ready to explode at any second it's not a good thing. It doesn't make you a better or more hardworking person. It is not positive and Summer is the best time to relax and unwind. If all you want to do is to spend a full day at the beach or at home watching Netflix, I promise you don't have to feel guilty about it.


I also finished my third year of university. It feels like only yesterday I was sitting behind the computer and writing about my 1st year of Uni, and now that 2020 is approaching I realized it will be my last year there. I really want to write a full blog post about what I've learned in the past three years and a whole reflection on my time while being at Uni, but for now, I want to say that I feel absolutely terrified of being done with it. Studying is all I know how to do, I know how to get good grades, how to balance my time but school and studying as ALWAYS been a factor in the equation, the day that it won't be is coming. The day in which I will be an adult, I will have responsibilities, big decisions to make, to get a job or do a masters, to stay in Lisbon or move somewhere else. We never know what life has o offer, but the sooner it approaches, the harder it becomes to make decisions because you learn the power that those (said decisions) have. They are the stones in the adulthood path, the foundation of the House of Being a Grownup. 
Anyways, I truly believe in doing what if feels right at the time and we will always sort out the rest. I try not to worry about my life and the future so that I am able to focus all my energy in positive thoughts and good vibes.


Last but not least (if this was a list this would probably be first). I STARTED A YOUTUBE CHANNEL! As you can see on my first video I am pretty insecure about stuff in general. I thought about starting a channel, it was something I had on my mind for years, I've had various attempts to do so and I always gave up, I made up excuses and I never took the step forward to simply do it. I came to the realization that if I didn't I would always have that "what if" feeling with me, and I truly didn't want that. So I did it. I am going to see how it works if it goes well great, if not, at least I would have tried.
So let's see how that goes, my new challenge, something that was in my 2019 resolutions and that I managed to take down! 

For now, all I want is to keep the good energy that I have going on. To keep feeling as happy as I am, not struggling with anxiety not struggling with anything basically.  Wednesday I will go to Lisbon for a couple of days for what's probably going to be the last time this summer and then I'm back in the Algarve for exciting times! I can't wait to keep sharing my life with you, here, on YouTube or on Instagram. It's amazing that I have created this digital diary, where I will be able to look back, no pictures lost (as it happens so many times). I will be able to read posts like this and see exactly where my mind was at that specific moment, how I looked and what was I doing. I truly love to blog, to create content and to feel like I have a door open to truly be myself. Thank you for being on that side and for helping me keep this going. 

Love, Ana


Photography: Alexandre Serôdio
Location: Loulé, Algarve, Portugal 



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My On Going Battle With Mental Health || Personal


The main reason for my absence from the blog was no other than mental health. I’ve been having anxiety attacks for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling awful about everything and making a huge effort to get out of bed in the morning. 

I don’t know what happened or what changed, but I have been struggling. I blame it on the huge pressure that University puts on you, and I blame it on myself for setting such high standers for me. The thought of simply giving up and go back home has been haunting me more than anything this semester, it’s the easy way out, and I’ve been thinking about it more and more every day. But now, and with two weeks to go, by far the hardest two weeks of the semester with multiple evaluations daily it seems stupid to give up, I’ve made it his far, it’s just another two weeks.


In this post I won’t be sharing any advice with you, this is more to myself than to anyone else, this is more to show people that regardless of how good you look in your Instagram pictures you can be struggling so hard inside, you can cry yourself to sleep every night and make an insta story in the morning super happy and energetic, it’s the art of pretending. 

I’ve been feeling better, I’ve started going to a pilates class in my gym.

 I realized that the gym was another factor that was giving me anxiety, I’ve changed gyms and the one I’m in right now is huge. Every time I went there I ended up feeling overwhelmed and lost, all I wanted to do was crying and at the same time, I felt like I was the person in worst shape there. There was a time in my life that I worked out around 6 hours per day, I did Volleyball, Gymnastics, and Trampoline all in the same day. I used to be in great shape and having no resistance or strength what so ever, especially when I was comparing myself to every other person that was working out there was just making everything much worst to me. So I started pilates because it helps me clear my mind, stretch my body and recover some strength and then in the new year I’m planning on doing cycling and just working out in the machines without being in a class. 



At the same time, I feel that the fact that this is my last year (sort of) in University is getting to me as well. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, besides being a full-time blogger (which let’s face it, I am not anywhere near making money with blogging, so thinking about going full time feels just plain stupid). I still have one year to decide what to do when I finish university but, one year flies by. In 2019 I have to find a way to start making money with my blog, to be more consistent with posting and to produce better content so that this can actually become an option for me. Right now, I see Anne’s Perks as my hobby, next year I am going to finally run it as a business. 


For me, the best way to battle my anxiety is to talk to someone, and it took me so long to realize this. That is half of the reason why I am writing this post, because it feels like I am talking to someone, even if no one is actually listening, the (bad) thoughts are getting out of my head. I have a really hard time letting people in. I’ve been hurt before and I am afraid to trust people because I might get hurt again. But it came to a point in which my boyfriend really couldn’t take it anymore, he was being affected by my problems, who had nothing to do with him, and I had to talk to someone, and talking only proved me that there are people you can trust and that they will appreciate the fact that you trust them. They are your friends for a reason. By all means, if you feel the need contact professional help, there is no shame in that. I am thinking about doing it myself. Believe me, when I say that took me too long to realize that I may need it and that that doesn’t make me anything, it doesn’t define me or label me as anything other than myself. 


I am not 100% fine, but I am good enough right now if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be able to write this and to put it on the internet to be read by anyone. Everyone that knows me can read this, they can judge me based on what I’ve written and make assumptions about me, however, I truly don’t care. I can deal with that. I know that this little blog post can help some who have been feeling the same way. Someone who just wants to give up and go to sleep (because when you sleep the problems aren’t there to disturb your mind) might be reading this and I want to take the position in which I say, I’ve been feeling the same way, I’ve been coping with that and I have been fighting it. I’ve been trying to book appointments in the morning so that I have a reason to get out of bed, I have been trying to eat healthier and to go to Starbucks to study (where I am writing this blog post), so that I have a reason to get out of the house. I haven’t been in the best place mentally but I am fighting harder everyday to get there. I feel like on the 21st of December (when I finish my finals) I will start feeling away better, specially when I am home for the Holidays with nothing to worry about besides food and family and friends and presents and good things. 2018 was a pretty shitty year (regardless of having some amazing stuff as well) and I am sure that 2019 is going to be way better. 
If you ever need someone to talk too, feel free to send me a DM on any of my social media, and I hope anyone reading this has a blessed holiday season and an amazing 2019! 
Love, 
Ana 


Photography: João Machado 
Location: Pink Street, Lisbon 
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An unexpected reflection... What has really been going on

Hey guys, long time no see. I know. I've had a lot on my mind. University has been insane lately and I am over floating with work, at the same time I had a few technical issues regarding my blog domain and for that reason, the blog has been down since the second week of October. Gladly I managed to sort everything out and I am now back for a very exciting month.

First things first I want to announce that I will launch my youtube channel this month (actually tomorrow) and it would mean the world to me if you could all go there and subscribe to it. I am really trying to get back on track with everything.

While the blog was down I had a long time to think about all my goals and find the right formula to do things from now on. My blog is officially one year old (a lot more, but I only bought the domain last year so let's count from there) and it hasn't been easy but I feel like I am finally putting content out there that I am passionate about and that's what is most important.

By the way, this post was supposed to be a University Makeup Collection and Storage, but as this "intro" keeps getting longer and longer I realize that I have so much that I want to share with you guys that are far more important and more me than makeup that this just became its own post.

I've been buying a lot of makeup just for the sake of buying but as I keep buying things I realize that the happiness that they provide me last about five minutes. My passion for makeup isn't just for makeup for the sake of makeup, it's also for sharing it on my blog. I've been blogging since I can remember either in Portuguese or in English and I've lost already a lot of what used to feel like me since August, this break made me realize I don't want to lose this. Blogging is about one of the only things that bring me a sense of joy that no other can compare.

I kept finding excuses. I kept thinking, it's too late to start now (when all my favorite bloggers started after I did),  it's impossible to make it when you are from Portugal (it isn't, and for this I just want to thank Raquel Mendes, she is on youtube and also runs a blog, she is amazing and works hard. She just recently did a campaign with Look Fantastic, yes that Look Fantastic, and above all, she proved me that I can make it too), You can't make blogging a career now because you are almost 20 and you don't have your own audience figured out, (I'm in university and I won't start working on my "real" career for another couple of years, I am not too late, I am actually too soon. I just have to start now!).


During my break, I abolished those badly done excuses out of my vocabulary and while I realize that this post is more of a personal reflection that I want to go back to whenever I feel like how I felt during this past year I believe that it can also help a lot of people by reading this. Even if I only reach one other blogger I will be more then happy to have helped someone else.

Writing this has been therapeutical in a way, this is why blogging makes me so happy because as I press the keys on my keyboard I feel the weight going off my shoulders, I feel happier and lighter.


I just want to finish this by saying that if you love to do something, you should stick to it. No successful person that you look up to had it easy, and if you are struggling it might just mean that you are going in the right direction. Self-doubt and fear are human and it's also completely normal, so don't be afraid of it and conquer it, don't let it conquer you.

So future me, or anyone else that is reading this, promise the girl full of hopes and dreams that is sitting behind this computer that you won't give up on yourself!





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Monthly Catch Up #1

Time: 1.35AM
Location: Huge mess that I like to call bedroom


I've been so goo with updating the blog every other day that I feel really bad for not writing any blog posts over the weekend.
I never thought that I was going to be this type of blogger, the type of blogger that took blogging so seriously that she would actually feel guilty for not adding any kind of content to her platform.
Changing my blog to English has been a really hard thing to do but now if finally gaining a English audience and knowing that consistency is the key to make it as blogger I feel bed for not giving you guys an update.


Anyway, lets move on to some happy and exiting things, last weekend was crazy (only going home to sleep kind of crazy), on Friday it was my mum work party in which I had promised to help, so I got home around 3AM. Saturday morning I went to the beach, then to a lunch, then to a birthday party and then to a fair where girl guides had a stand. Sunday went to the place of my childhood, which is basically a island where I used to camp when I was a kid and it's probably where my first memories took place. Monday wasn't last crazy, I spend all morning trying to solve collage stuff, so that I can apply and then I went to the beach. 


Next Friday I will start at my Summer job which I'm quite exited about, mainly because it will be amazing to have my own money. Unfortunately that also means that I'm going to get in this crazy schedule (because I'll be working in a night club), and I promisse that I'm going to try my best to keep going with the blog and youtube, but I don't know if I will be able to.
I'm also going to focus on the next few days on getting my life back on track, cleaning my room, planing blog posts, maybe I will even go shopping.
For now I just want to thank you guys for putting up with me and say that I'm sorry for this weird and long blog post.
By the way all the beautiful pictures ware taken at the Island on Sunday. 


  
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